It Only Took A Day

It only took one day back from break and I am feeling just as stressed as the week before we shot our film, if not more. So I thought I'd blog twice this week, to take care of next week's now, because next week I will be editing audio LITERALLY ALL WEEK. (Help me).

I feel an array of emotions now when I walk into Fiction Field. I'm happy. I'm angry. I want to cry. I want to go home. I used to be so eager to make videos, but now thinking about producing a project just gives me a headache. Thinking about all the planning, arguing, coordinating, failing, changing, adjusting--it makes me very, very anxious.

I sometimes regret taking Fiction Field 2, not because I didn't learn (I learned A LOT) but because it's caused me so much stress this semester that I reached out to CAPS to seek help. I've been having problems because many components of this project are out of my control. We couldn't shoot at an earlier date because of scheduling conflicts. I can't get the picture lock of the film done because I'm not editing. I can't score the film. I have to rely on many other people for this. And I know that's part of life.

I don't believe I have enough time to edit the sound for this project. I will get it done, but I don't think it will be the best it can possibly be. Typing that physically hurts me.

I wanted this project to be something that I would be extremely proud of. I wanted people to see it and say "Wow, Sam was a part of that? That was really good." But now I'm afraid people will hear it and see my name in the credits and think, "That girl had no idea what she was doing." It is partially true that I don't have any idea what I'm doing. In this class and in life. I'm trying to do my best.

I just want to enjoy what I do and right now I'm not enjoying it at all. Next semester I plan on taking a step back from many extracurriculars and trying to work in smaller groups. I also plan to focus more on my mental and physical health. If you read this blog, please don't bring it up to me in class. It's sort of an automatic response now for me to start crying when I remember how stressed I am.

Thank you.

GOT!!!

Its Almost Christmas time and you all know what that means... Game of Thrones Season 5

Not only is the production quality of the show outstanding but so is the cast. There are few actors in the series that I recognize from other films however after every episode I am blown away by all of them. And there is a lot of them. The show is extremely deep and follows countless characters, and storylines.  

On top of that there are Dragons... Who doesn't like watching shows that have giant man eating winged lizards? The CGI is another aspect of the show that is phenomenal. However, the CGI of the dragons is so expensive that the show can only have them on for a limited amount of screen time. Animations can really rack up the bills fast, however I am glad that they dont over due the dragons so in the long run I'm happy with it. 

If you haven't started watching Game Of Thrones I highly recommend that you start. It will take you by surprise. 

How I Answer Questions About My Future: "IDK, MAN."

After the workshop on Monday, I left feeling unsure of myself. Unsure that maybe production isn't really for me. When I started my academic career at Ithaca College, I was sure that production was where I wanted to be. In middle school and high school I always loved video production and working creatively with a small group. However, I'm starting to realize that maybe I would be better off in a pre-production position.

I learned a lot from Chris, but when he gave his "This is what production life is like, CAN YOU HANDLE THISSSS?!?!" speech, I'm not gonna lie it made me a little nervous. I recently had the opportunity to meet up with my friend Emily, who graduated from IC in May and started working on set for So You Think You Can Dance in Los Angeles. She said all the same things as Chris. (Obviously, field shows and studio shows are drastically different, but the high stress environment surrounding television production is the same.)

How I feel in life sometimes.

I told her, straight up, "I don't know if I can handle that." She said that it's okay if I don't know exactly what I want to do now, and that I would get a much better idea once I'm out in LA--I plan to go for my last semester senior year.

She too talked about long days on set, having to deal with people yelling at you all the time, (for her, it was her boss in her headset) and starting out at the very, very bottom. But the boss she thought didn't like her hired her to be a talent coordinator for a new TV show, so things worked out well for Emily in the end.

I have adopted an associate producer role in our group project. Theo is doing most of the work, but I've been trying to help out with small stuff, like designing an audition flyer, editing the script, contacting a composer, and trying to make sure other people stay on task. We don't have a lot of time to complete our project, and I want it to be the best it can be. I've found that I feel more comfortable in this role, but that's because it's familiar to me.

As for my future, I think I need a lot more experience before I make any big moves. Or maybe I need to make big moves to gain experience. I can't say I have any predictions for the future, so for now, I'm going to focus on putting 100% effort into everything that I do.